You're dead

I go to the old haunted graveyard.

I walk amongst the graves.

Sometimes, somehow, I come by yours.

But I see not you, just your grave.

Many pass by your grave.

But only I knew what lay 6 feet under.

How you looked. How you felt.

How you lived. How you loved.

I loved you. You were the best I ever had.

You still are.

You do not reveal yourself to me.

When I am there, you are just a silent grave.

Talking to you is like talking to myself.

You who I loved is dead.

Sometimes, when I watch you grave from the shadows,

I see your ghost appear to join the ghostly party.

But the moment I appear is when you disappear.

Where did you go? Can’t you appear to me?

Can you really be dead?

You’ve become just a memory.

A memory dwelling in my heart.

You were someone to me

Not just any dead person in a grave.

I will go out of my way to step on that crunchy looking leaf

Did I fail you?

You were my best friend.

WHY have you become like this?
HOW could be become what you've become?

How did I fail you as a friend?

We moved on to other friends...
We were still friends, but not close.

Is this how I failed you?

Return of the Carpenter

In Nottingham Malaysia...

How old were you?

My display pic on msn for tonight.

Chatting...

Fiona says:
omg!
"Audrey/MingYee says:
?
Fiona says:
u look so cute in pic!
Fiona says:
how old were u!
"Audrey/MingYee says:
haha!
Fiona says:
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww
"Audrey/MingYee says:
um.. that was taken this evening

Low

Now, at this point of life... At this very moment...

It seems like there’s nothing to live for.

Nothing interesting in life.
No excitement.
No Fear.
No anything.
Everything is just boring, old and monotonous.
Life is just this and that
Everything dull and negative.

I’m at a point where I just gotta get back to what I have to get done at this very point in life.

Live.

And also get studying so I wont get screwed by my parents, and not screw up the rest of my life over a ‘phase’ I’m going through.

But even so, now I’m feeling so low, it’s hard to do even just that.

To do or not to do...

When god speaks to us, when n how do we obey?

We do 1 thing which we think god is asking us to do,

Then we end up screwing up our lives.

Then later when we blame God, ppl say we did it all wrong.

Ppl make excuses for God.

From this I am afraid to serve God or do what I think God is telling me to do

I might do it, screw up my life, then when I ask "What happened?"

Ppl will just say I did it all wrong and God didn’t mean for it to turn out or be done like that

So screw it, I'm not gonna do it.

Expect nothing

Expect nothing of anyone

no matter how close they are to u
no matter how natural n reasonable it is for u to expect it
no matter how basic n simple it is

Expect nothing
...and you'll never be disappointed.

Thank you

I want to thank everyone who made took the time to wish me Happy Birthday.

Those who smsed me (especially those who smsed from overseas)

Those who left me offline msges on msn

Those who wished me on Facebook, Friendster and Yahoo Group

Especially those who called me

Sana and Fiona, who tried to find me in my flat today (So sorry I wasn’t in)

To wonderful Priscilla who got me a gift. You’re the only one and I really appreciate your letter.

My flatmates: Ankita and Divya who drew up a simple but nice poster that greeted me at the door this morning when I was rushing off to class.

And Szu-Anne, Hsien Wei, Ee Ling, Wey Chuan and Ju-Jinn for coming by my flat at night, waking me up and gave me a little swiss roll cake with 2 candles. Tho the cake may seem like a simple little thing to others, it meant a lot to me.

Lately I was feeling like

• · I had no friends
• · No one cared
• · No one loves me
• · I love my friends but they don’t give a shit about me
• · Everyone just love my friends but not me

I felt like I couldn’t talk to people anymore. It made me figure, maybe there’s something wrong with me, but I was just too blur to realize. Am I such a strange person that no one wants to talk to me?

Just when I thought all who love me have left me (physically or for other friends they like better), people around me and friends and family scattered around the world took the time to wish me a simple happy birthday on my birthday.

It means a lot to me.

Thank you.