Grow up!

SPM 2009 has just passed. That marks exactly 4 years since I myself was schooling.

I remember school. I remember the childishness in all of us. We were all such naive, cocky, proud and arrogant kids who thought we knew everything and can do anything. Sure, to a certain extent, we were right. We were young and the future was bright. The possibilities were endless.

4 years down the road, I look at myself, and all my friends. How we have changed.

Lots of us gained weight. Many girls, so much prettier. Guys, more hunky. That's external changes.

As for internal changes, I thought so many of us have turned out to be such pleasant people. All the assholes whom I thought would be assholes for life, are to my surprise, no longer assholes. All the "losers" who I thought had no hope, changed dramatically for the better.

So I made the assumption that as we grow older, we would all be more mature. More understanding, more compassionate, more polite and courteous. We would know more on how to behave as adults. Decent educated people in society. Most of us are now, after all, legally adults now and pursuing higher education.

Surely, we would know what we were like in school? If we were naughty or mischievous, proud and arrogant, nerdy and lifeless, quiet and timid, loud and brash. Surely, we would have by now, learnt to leash that side of us, and know, there is a place and time for everything?

I know for sure, my friends and I have. For your sake, I hope you have or will grow up soon.

I do not understand how at 21, anyone can still talk like a secondary school kid. At 21, you are no longer excused as naive. You are just plain ungrateful and ignorant with no basic manners.

The friend who would not die on me

We all die.

Sooner or later, we all die.

Reading the news, hearing from people of people who have lost loved ones… We all feel sad, but never really understanding the real pain they feel. We’ll never truly understand until we’ve gone through it ourselves. In comforting others, the most we can do is imagine.

While exercising my imagination, with the help of my friend who has gone through loss, I was barely deep in it when I felt this… fear.

One by one, I went through all my loved ones, and grieved that I can lose them one day. It didn’t matter if they were young or old, healthy or not, life can just end anytime for anyone.

To go through loss over and over, as more and more loved ones die, painted me a scary picture. Every person I invest my life in will just die. All the time I spent with them all to develop an intimate relationship will be gone. I could lose them all.

I’ll be alone.

For every friend I have, I don’t know how long they will live. How can I choose my best friend? The friend who will walk with me everyday for the rest of my life right to my death bed.

I want to know, so I’ll know who I can depend on to always be there.

And it suddenly occurred to me. My friend.

My friend who I deserted. My friend who I was annoyed at. My friend who I was lazy to keep in touch with… This is the friend who would walk with me every day for the rest of my life. The friend who would not die on me.

The answer just slaps me in the face. As much as I try to run... As much as I hate to say it and sound all "oh-so-typically-holy"...

The answer just comes back to being, my friend...

Jesus.

Here I am again...

So here I am again
Willing to be opened up and broken like a flower in the rain
Tell me what have I to do
To die and then be raised
To reach beyond the pain
Like a flower in the rain

Chorus of "Flower in the rain" by Jaci Velasquez

Blood donation

My story is that whenever there was a blood donation drive in church, my father would go. I, on the other hand, would stay FAR FAR away from it. It scared me. The needles, the smell, the whole atmosphere of the place.

But as I grew up, I matured and learned from my father's example. It's not THAT big a deal after all.

Needles?

Yes, I hate needles, but if you really think about it, the pain that comes from a needle is tiny compared to the pain from say.. falling down on your knees. You scrape your skin, your bones hurt and your flesh is bruised for about a week.

As for blood donation, you get nothing but maybe a tiny baby hole that you might not even be able to find a minute after the needle is taken out.

The size of the needle looks damn big. But ironically, it's the little ones that hurt, and the big one, painless.

"Being able to donate blood is a blessing. It means you are healthy". That's what my dad told me.

That statement surfaced to my mind today as I tried to donate blood once again. The first time I did it, my blood flow was really slow. The second time, I had to be jabbed twice, and the one that worked hurt as blood flowed out, slowly. Third time, I was jabbed 3 times. One which the blood flow was barely a quarter bag and had to be thrown away. I tried again on the same arm, and again on my other arm. All were failures.

To me, I was wondering, is this a sign of old age? Am I unhealthy? Why is it that with every attempt to donate blood, the situation worsens?

This time, will I just not be able to come out with even a quarter bag?

As I waited for my turn, I watched with envy as my friend filled up his bag to bursting point in record time. What a healthy guy! I wanna be like that too! It's embarrassing to be the one that sits there forever just to have her blood bag thrown away because there was just too little blood. Not to mention, what a waste of all that jabbing!

This time round, there was the usual problem with finding a vein. The nurse had to try really hard on both arms to coax out any vein I have. But the sacrifice despite the odds was worth it =) What relief and joy it brought me when the nurse said "Check dia punya (blood bag), laju!". I got to donate a whole bag, and real fast too!

It was a great sign that I am healthy! =)

Why donate blood?

Why go through all that trouble and pain?

The typical answer would be, "You save a life". Yup, to put it simply, that's what it is. But the impact of those words don't quite reach people sometimes.

Some would say, "Save a life? But why would I wanna save a stranger's life? It's MY BLOOD!"

Yes, technically, that's what happens. But I like to make it a bit more personal. I like to think, I am saving my father's life. A man who always freely donated his blood year after year till his health declined.

Now it's time for healthy people like us, to donate our blood to help those before us.

On a lighter tone, it's REALLY sexy to see a guy donate blood. It kinda shows he's got muscles AND heart =P

Stopped blogging.. for now.

Hey people who are nice enough to bother coming by my blog.

I've been too busy living my life to blog about it. Like some say, I'd rather "live the great American novel, than write the great American novel".

Sure, writing the great American novel can churn out lotsa money. My "novel"'s not earning me anything, so I've got nothing to lose anyway.

I'm not "getting a life" now. I've always had a life. Just, I was stupid enough to not "live it".

So... "So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye!"

Stuff up our noses

This is one of the pics taken during my surprise birthday lunch earlier this month.

Fiona got a chopstick stuck up her nose! =P



Hehe.. It reminds me of when I was out with my school friends a few years back..



It's all on facebook. And the comments that followed it tickled me =P



Those were the fun times... back when we were all in one country at the same time =/

Time flies

I just received an e-mail from Dr Herbert Tan that he just returned from JS, and I was thinking, "What? Another JS just came and went?" That would mean 3 batches of JSers were produced after my batch! @.@

Ever since I finished schooling, the years really seem to just fly by faster than ever before. I'm actually not quite over being 16, barely getting used to the idea that I'm 18, have to double check that I'm 20, and still trying to let it sink in that I'm turning 21 next Tuesday. It's not cos I dont wanna grow old or something. Time just passes too fast.



I remember last year (2008) when i was filling out a form, I had to write the date. At first, I wrote 2006. Later, I realised, "Oh! That's last year! It's 2007 la!", and corrected it to 2007. Then I thought, "Wait.. I think it's 2008... Hmm.. Yeah.. Maybe.. But.. Nahh.. 2008 is too far in the future, it's just one year after 2006, not two". And so I left it at 2007 till my friend saw my paper and said, "Eh, it's 2008 la!".

It's about time my brain clock catches up with real time.

It seems God is too far away