Not emo

Irritated.
Bored.
Restless.
Impatient.

I don't know what it is. But it's not emo.

Goodbye emo

Out of reach

Knew the signs, wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool

So confused, my heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be

Catch myself from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you

Out of reach, so far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there for me

Out of reach - Gabrielle

You're dead

I go to the old haunted graveyard.

I walk amongst the graves.

Sometimes, somehow, I come by yours.

But I see not you, just your grave.

Many pass by your grave.

But only I knew what lay 6 feet under.

How you looked. How you felt.

How you lived. How you loved.

I loved you. You were the best I ever had.

You still are.

You do not reveal yourself to me.

When I am there, you are just a silent grave.

Talking to you is like talking to myself.

You who I loved is dead.

Sometimes, when I watch you grave from the shadows,

I see your ghost appear to join the ghostly party.

But the moment I appear is when you disappear.

Where did you go? Can’t you appear to me?

Can you really be dead?

You’ve become just a memory.

A memory dwelling in my heart.

You were someone to me

Not just any dead person in a grave.

I will go out of my way to step on that crunchy looking leaf

Did I fail you?

You were my best friend.

WHY have you become like this?
HOW could be become what you've become?

How did I fail you as a friend?

We moved on to other friends...
We were still friends, but not close.

Is this how I failed you?

Return of the Carpenter

In Nottingham Malaysia...

How old were you?

My display pic on msn for tonight.

Chatting...

Fiona says:
omg!
"Audrey/MingYee says:
?
Fiona says:
u look so cute in pic!
Fiona says:
how old were u!
"Audrey/MingYee says:
haha!
Fiona says:
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww
"Audrey/MingYee says:
um.. that was taken this evening

Low

Now, at this point of life... At this very moment...

It seems like there’s nothing to live for.

Nothing interesting in life.
No excitement.
No Fear.
No anything.
Everything is just boring, old and monotonous.
Life is just this and that
Everything dull and negative.

I’m at a point where I just gotta get back to what I have to get done at this very point in life.

Live.

And also get studying so I wont get screwed by my parents, and not screw up the rest of my life over a ‘phase’ I’m going through.

But even so, now I’m feeling so low, it’s hard to do even just that.

To do or not to do...

When god speaks to us, when n how do we obey?

We do 1 thing which we think god is asking us to do,

Then we end up screwing up our lives.

Then later when we blame God, ppl say we did it all wrong.

Ppl make excuses for God.

From this I am afraid to serve God or do what I think God is telling me to do

I might do it, screw up my life, then when I ask "What happened?"

Ppl will just say I did it all wrong and God didn’t mean for it to turn out or be done like that

So screw it, I'm not gonna do it.

Expect nothing

Expect nothing of anyone

no matter how close they are to u
no matter how natural n reasonable it is for u to expect it
no matter how basic n simple it is

Expect nothing
...and you'll never be disappointed.

Thank you

I want to thank everyone who made took the time to wish me Happy Birthday.

Those who smsed me (especially those who smsed from overseas)

Those who left me offline msges on msn

Those who wished me on Facebook, Friendster and Yahoo Group

Especially those who called me

Sana and Fiona, who tried to find me in my flat today (So sorry I wasn’t in)

To wonderful Priscilla who got me a gift. You’re the only one and I really appreciate your letter.

My flatmates: Ankita and Divya who drew up a simple but nice poster that greeted me at the door this morning when I was rushing off to class.

And Szu-Anne, Hsien Wei, Ee Ling, Wey Chuan and Ju-Jinn for coming by my flat at night, waking me up and gave me a little swiss roll cake with 2 candles. Tho the cake may seem like a simple little thing to others, it meant a lot to me.

Lately I was feeling like

• · I had no friends
• · No one cared
• · No one loves me
• · I love my friends but they don’t give a shit about me
• · Everyone just love my friends but not me

I felt like I couldn’t talk to people anymore. It made me figure, maybe there’s something wrong with me, but I was just too blur to realize. Am I such a strange person that no one wants to talk to me?

Just when I thought all who love me have left me (physically or for other friends they like better), people around me and friends and family scattered around the world took the time to wish me a simple happy birthday on my birthday.

It means a lot to me.

Thank you.

I learnt...

I learnt, from...

JW: Some guys like a lot of girls at the same time. Never bother taking their infatuation with u seriously. And their feelings won’t be all that injured (if at all) if u reject them.

A: Don’t get into a relationship just to save face for him (even if he’s ur best guy friend) and urself. He’ll get over his infatuation with u eventually.

C: Not all best guy friends who like u would turn out to be like A. Whether u get into a relationship or not, that thin line has already been crossed, and things have already changed.

K1: Don’t bother liking someone until u really know what he’s like. Ur infatuation with him will blind u to what he really is like. U only end up being infatuated with a figment of ur imagination.

JR: Don’t jump into a relationship without considering whether the situation is practical no matter how much u like each other.

NY: Sometimes, u don’t know if a guy friend who u always joke with is serious or not when he says he loves u, laughing everything away is a safe and good option. If he’s for real, he’ll persist till you finally believe. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t like u, or is not worth ur time cos he probably doesn’t like u all THAT much anyway.

Freaks: Don’t give them a reaction. They’ll soon get bored.

H: Don’t like a guy who’s not over someone else regardless what promises and sweet nothings he says to u.

K2: Some guys just get a mental problem causing them to THINK they like u. Though they’re REALLY honest bout it, u know u’re so obviously not their type so don’t let it get to ur head.

M: Girls can get mental problem too.

NT: It’s ok tell a guy who’s serious bout u, no. Adding in “maybe just not yet” and “I need to know u better first” helps too. Your friendship can go on as normal with no awkwardness or hard feelings.

*these are things i learnt. Do not assume what i went thru to learn these. U are most probably wrong.

I dont want...

With my birthday coming up, I’m telling u nice ppl who MIGHT get me something…

I DON’T want…

Candles
NO! In this age where there’s electricity, there is NO use for candles except during lantern festival… Wait, there might not even be a need for it considering there’s electric lanterns now.

Photoframes
Why do people KEEP giving photo frames? I’ve been getting it every birthday and Christmas since forever!

Stuff toys
Yes, it’s sweet. But I’ve already got too many of them. They’ve also got no use except to collect dust, or make the children I donate them to very happy.

Decorative items
I would very much prefer things that have uses other than sitting around and collecting dust.

My dog ate my cactus

I had a flatmate who moved out after a month or so. During her stay, she bought a little cactus plant in a little pot which she left on her table. I don't know if she watered it or anything. She was very quiet and it was difficult trying to interact with her.

When she left, she left behind her cactus. With nothing to do, my other flatmates and I "adopted" the cactus as our own. We didn't know much bout cactuses but we did our best. We watered it daily, put it out in the sun on our balcony, took it in whenever the cleaners came by to make sure it won't get toppled over, and pulled insects that got stuck on its thorns.

December came and we were all going back home for a few weeks. The poor cactus would have no one to take of it in Nottingham, so I brought it back home. It was put on a wall out of reach of my crazy dog.

A few days later, I called my dog over for fun and saw he had something in his mouth. Initially, I thought it was a snail. Even after he dropped the item, i couldn't figure out what it was. This strange dark greenish roundish and bumpy thing. Then to my horror, i realised it was my cactus! My dog was chewing on my cactus! The poor thing! It's gonna die! (I was thinking of my cactus). Turns out, my poor cactus was blown off the wall by the wind.

Only later when my brother went "How's the dog?" did i remember my dog's mouth must've been pretty pricked up. But it didn't matter cos it was fine and smiling, and ready to chew up the remainder of my cactus.

I fell... again.

"What's new?"
"What? Audrey fell? Again? That's nothing new"

That's how ppl would react. That's if they didnt laugh or just shake their head.

Walking down to Petaling Street from church today in the rain, it was difficult to stay on my slippers, what more stay on my feet. There was no grip on and under my slippers. With extra caution and walking at a snail's speed, i managed to stay on my feet despite roughly 5 near slips.

Alas, my luck is not so good. Going down the stairs, I finally slipped and fell. It was no surprise to me. I was pretty much waiting for it. But I wish i fell on flat ground instead of in the MIDDLE of a flight of STEPS with a group of guys not too far behind me.

It hurt a quite a bit cos it was a fast and hard fall, and the steps didnt help either. But i managed to get up immediately and walk on. My mother was alarmed. Especially since i almost slipped again when i was going on down the remainder of the steps.

I got what i call minor scrapes on my elbow. It doesnt look like much. But it REALLY freakin hurts!

And as always, every cloud has a silver lining. I got new shoes! My mom didnt want me walking around in that (literally) killer slippers.

Distress in KKB

Ming holds on for dear life on the rock. "Help! Save me!"



Sakai woman appears.



"Uh.. Would i rather die?"



"Oh well, help please.."



"Die you sakai! Go go power rangers!"



I have no idea what they're doing there.. =S

Kuala Kubu Baru Waterfall

On Friday, 1 Feb 2008, my secondary school friends (Fiona, Abigail, Szu-Mei, Reuben, Moahan) and I went to a waterfall at Kuala Kubu Baru.

Upon arrival...


Yay! We're here!!!




"Aku seksi.. ada muscle!"


Cheezels!


By rushing waters...


Diving!



Fooling around...



Magic!




Chilling...








See the butterfly?


Finally... the highway


On the way home, Fiona sakit perut. Ruby and I teman her nearby so she wouldnt look so weird and alone in the middle of the road.


Last group pic before we leave for home =)



All in all, it was a fun day out with friends. It sure beats hanging out at shopping malls. And all we had to spend money on was the petrol, toll charges, and nasi lemak for lunch.. which didnt add up to much after splitting the costs among us. It was a good 9 hours out.

My organized mess

Don't mess with my mess!

Another close shave

I guess in one's life, there are plenty of times where we almost die. Anything can happen. Anytime. Anywhere. Most of the time, we don't realise how close we came to getting killed or into a near death experience, or maybe just an accident that doesnt happen everyday to us.

Today, i got into yet another "OMG I almost got knocked down by a car" drama. It was in church, and i was delighted i could finally go home (i was waiting for an hour for someone). I walked my way to the car while looking back and waving goodbye to my friends (4 girls and 2 guys). Yeah, i wasnt looking where i was going (but the coast seemed clear before i started walking). Then came all the "ahhh!!!", "Audrey!", "Watch out!!!", and "Car!!!"-s.

It was alarming. Suddenly all the happy faces turned into faces of alarm. I turned round and found a four wheel drive was quickly reversing towards me. I know four wheel drives. It's hard for them to see anything behind them. I didnt know wat to do. I moved away as quickly as i could, but i knew i would get knocked anyway if the driver didnt stop or at least slow down. Luckily, the car stopped in time. I guess the driver heard the screams or caught a glimpse of me in time.

I guess I'm sorta used to this kind of experiences. So I was just shocked for a very short time. Thank God I didnt start cursing or anything. Turns out the driver was the father of one of the guys i was talking to.

I thank God i didnt die today or get hurt today. I still have one ice-cream cone left in my fridge. Haha.. I'm kidding. U all know y im grateful. No one wants to get hurt.