Go back

The memory behind the secretive smile

I was busy with my work while listening to my friend babble bout some girl he liked when he said, "I liked X from the moment I saw her walking in through the gates with Y on her first day"

I looked up from my work. Something was not right.

Me: "You saw her on her FIRST day, walking in with Y?"
Him: "Yeah"
Me: "Are you sure?"
Him: "Of course. It was just her and Y walking in together that morning."

And he went on to describe her clothing on that morning. Collared t-shirt and jeans.

I nodded and smiled to myself.

On that day, also my first day, I had walked in with Y, wearing a collared t-shirt and jeans.

Globalization: Keeps us together or apart?

As a person who loves traveling and experiencing new cultures, I LOVE globalization. The increased accessibility of the world makes everywhere become "within reach".

It's really cool, to have my "gang" in school scattered all around the world. USA, Australia, England, Scotland, Russia, and Singapore... It's almost like we don't believe in going to the same country. But the awesome powers of the internet enables us to keep in touch constantly. Sometimes, it's almost like we've never been apart. We get to exchange stories, so we get a little taste of what life is like in each country.

While globalization has its great perks, I feel that to a certain extent, it makes the world a lonelier place to be. Communication over the internet is great, but nothing beats actually being together in the same place at the same time.

Coming back from overseas, we have the idea that we are going "home". Home is where everything and everyone is supposed to be. But when we are home, excited to meet up with "the gang" just like before we left, we find that they're not there. They're all scattered all over the world. So we end up just hanging around at home alone with no friends.

As for relationships, what is the point in getting into one when one or the other will be leaving for another country possibly forever? Globalization brings people together, but they also keep them apart.

Life is full of uncertainties. Things change. Added with globalization and technology, life has more uncertainties, and things change at a faster pace.

Globalization. I don't like it. My friends are all scattered all around the world, so is my family, potential spouses, and even me. There's no knowing where I'll be, and there's no knowing where everyone will be.

The simple chance of two people being in the same country at the same time. It's a blessing.

Grow up!

SPM 2009 has just passed. That marks exactly 4 years since I myself was schooling.

I remember school. I remember the childishness in all of us. We were all such naive, cocky, proud and arrogant kids who thought we knew everything and can do anything. Sure, to a certain extent, we were right. We were young and the future was bright. The possibilities were endless.

4 years down the road, I look at myself, and all my friends. How we have changed.

Lots of us gained weight. Many girls, so much prettier. Guys, more hunky. That's external changes.

As for internal changes, I thought so many of us have turned out to be such pleasant people. All the assholes whom I thought would be assholes for life, are to my surprise, no longer assholes. All the "losers" who I thought had no hope, changed dramatically for the better.

So I made the assumption that as we grow older, we would all be more mature. More understanding, more compassionate, more polite and courteous. We would know more on how to behave as adults. Decent educated people in society. Most of us are now, after all, legally adults now and pursuing higher education.

Surely, we would know what we were like in school? If we were naughty or mischievous, proud and arrogant, nerdy and lifeless, quiet and timid, loud and brash. Surely, we would have by now, learnt to leash that side of us, and know, there is a place and time for everything?

I know for sure, my friends and I have. For your sake, I hope you have or will grow up soon.

I do not understand how at 21, anyone can still talk like a secondary school kid. At 21, you are no longer excused as naive. You are just plain ungrateful and ignorant with no basic manners.

The friend who would not die on me

We all die.

Sooner or later, we all die.

Reading the news, hearing from people of people who have lost loved ones… We all feel sad, but never really understanding the real pain they feel. We’ll never truly understand until we’ve gone through it ourselves. In comforting others, the most we can do is imagine.

While exercising my imagination, with the help of my friend who has gone through loss, I was barely deep in it when I felt this… fear.

One by one, I went through all my loved ones, and grieved that I can lose them one day. It didn’t matter if they were young or old, healthy or not, life can just end anytime for anyone.

To go through loss over and over, as more and more loved ones die, painted me a scary picture. Every person I invest my life in will just die. All the time I spent with them all to develop an intimate relationship will be gone. I could lose them all.

I’ll be alone.

For every friend I have, I don’t know how long they will live. How can I choose my best friend? The friend who will walk with me everyday for the rest of my life right to my death bed.

I want to know, so I’ll know who I can depend on to always be there.

And it suddenly occurred to me. My friend.

My friend who I deserted. My friend who I was annoyed at. My friend who I was lazy to keep in touch with… This is the friend who would walk with me every day for the rest of my life. The friend who would not die on me.

The answer just slaps me in the face. As much as I try to run... As much as I hate to say it and sound all "oh-so-typically-holy"...

The answer just comes back to being, my friend...

Jesus.

Here I am again...

So here I am again
Willing to be opened up and broken like a flower in the rain
Tell me what have I to do
To die and then be raised
To reach beyond the pain
Like a flower in the rain

Chorus of "Flower in the rain" by Jaci Velasquez

Blood donation

My story is that whenever there was a blood donation drive in church, my father would go. I, on the other hand, would stay FAR FAR away from it. It scared me. The needles, the smell, the whole atmosphere of the place.

But as I grew up, I matured and learned from my father's example. It's not THAT big a deal after all.

Needles?

Yes, I hate needles, but if you really think about it, the pain that comes from a needle is tiny compared to the pain from say.. falling down on your knees. You scrape your skin, your bones hurt and your flesh is bruised for about a week.

As for blood donation, you get nothing but maybe a tiny baby hole that you might not even be able to find a minute after the needle is taken out.

The size of the needle looks damn big. But ironically, it's the little ones that hurt, and the big one, painless.

"Being able to donate blood is a blessing. It means you are healthy". That's what my dad told me.

That statement surfaced to my mind today as I tried to donate blood once again. The first time I did it, my blood flow was really slow. The second time, I had to be jabbed twice, and the one that worked hurt as blood flowed out, slowly. Third time, I was jabbed 3 times. One which the blood flow was barely a quarter bag and had to be thrown away. I tried again on the same arm, and again on my other arm. All were failures.

To me, I was wondering, is this a sign of old age? Am I unhealthy? Why is it that with every attempt to donate blood, the situation worsens?

This time, will I just not be able to come out with even a quarter bag?

As I waited for my turn, I watched with envy as my friend filled up his bag to bursting point in record time. What a healthy guy! I wanna be like that too! It's embarrassing to be the one that sits there forever just to have her blood bag thrown away because there was just too little blood. Not to mention, what a waste of all that jabbing!

This time round, there was the usual problem with finding a vein. The nurse had to try really hard on both arms to coax out any vein I have. But the sacrifice despite the odds was worth it =) What relief and joy it brought me when the nurse said "Check dia punya (blood bag), laju!". I got to donate a whole bag, and real fast too!

It was a great sign that I am healthy! =)

Why donate blood?

Why go through all that trouble and pain?

The typical answer would be, "You save a life". Yup, to put it simply, that's what it is. But the impact of those words don't quite reach people sometimes.

Some would say, "Save a life? But why would I wanna save a stranger's life? It's MY BLOOD!"

Yes, technically, that's what happens. But I like to make it a bit more personal. I like to think, I am saving my father's life. A man who always freely donated his blood year after year till his health declined.

Now it's time for healthy people like us, to donate our blood to help those before us.

On a lighter tone, it's REALLY sexy to see a guy donate blood. It kinda shows he's got muscles AND heart =P

Stopped blogging.. for now.

Hey people who are nice enough to bother coming by my blog.

I've been too busy living my life to blog about it. Like some say, I'd rather "live the great American novel, than write the great American novel".

Sure, writing the great American novel can churn out lotsa money. My "novel"'s not earning me anything, so I've got nothing to lose anyway.

I'm not "getting a life" now. I've always had a life. Just, I was stupid enough to not "live it".

So... "So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye!"

Stuff up our noses

This is one of the pics taken during my surprise birthday lunch earlier this month.

Fiona got a chopstick stuck up her nose! =P



Hehe.. It reminds me of when I was out with my school friends a few years back..



It's all on facebook. And the comments that followed it tickled me =P



Those were the fun times... back when we were all in one country at the same time =/

Time flies

I just received an e-mail from Dr Herbert Tan that he just returned from JS, and I was thinking, "What? Another JS just came and went?" That would mean 3 batches of JSers were produced after my batch! @.@

Ever since I finished schooling, the years really seem to just fly by faster than ever before. I'm actually not quite over being 16, barely getting used to the idea that I'm 18, have to double check that I'm 20, and still trying to let it sink in that I'm turning 21 next Tuesday. It's not cos I dont wanna grow old or something. Time just passes too fast.



I remember last year (2008) when i was filling out a form, I had to write the date. At first, I wrote 2006. Later, I realised, "Oh! That's last year! It's 2007 la!", and corrected it to 2007. Then I thought, "Wait.. I think it's 2008... Hmm.. Yeah.. Maybe.. But.. Nahh.. 2008 is too far in the future, it's just one year after 2006, not two". And so I left it at 2007 till my friend saw my paper and said, "Eh, it's 2008 la!".

It's about time my brain clock catches up with real time.

It seems God is too far away

MCKL: The best college for A Levels

disclaimer:
1. MCKL is NOT paying me money.
2. This is just my humble personal opinion

With the new year coming up, I'm pretty sure lots of students fresh off SPM are searching for "the next step".

The laziest of them would just fall into the advertising gimmick of Taylors and HELP. Look at the newspapers, your school magazines, fashion magazines, posters and such... Taylors and HELP are everywhere! It almost seems like they're the only ones offering A Levels.

The slightly lazier but smarter people would just google "best college for A Levels", "best college in KL for A Levels", "most happening college for A Levels", "cheapest college for A Levels".. the list goes on.

Well, my personal opinion is, Methodist College Kuala Lumpur or MCKL, is the best college for A Levels. At least, it was the best while I was there in 2006-2007.

Yes, it is small.
But small is what makes it good. We may be small, but we have quality. Small also means smaller classes and a better teacher-student ratio. Hence, better results.

Yes, it looks unimpressive.
Hence, the low fees. So what? Bad packaging, but it's the insides that count. It is proven that hi-tech buildings do not make you smarter. What do you need when studying for A levels? Do you need a gym? A dance studio, a tennis court, a foosball table and such? No! Also, they just end up being a distraction.

Yes, our library is small.
Do you actually need a huge library with 10,000 books in it? I'm in uni and I never borrowed a single book from its big and impressive library. What more A Levels. Besides, the MCKL lecturers are good enough =)

Yes, we do have fun.
So what if we don't have stuff. We still have fun! Despite a majority of our students having major exams every 6 months, we still have 3-4 fantastic events every semester that ALL students and lecturers attend. And every time is FUN!

No, we do not have Asia Cafe next door.
But we have a monorail that's built on former MCKL land, which leads straight to Bukit Bintang and Times Square. And we are walking distance away from KL Central which is ONE ktm stop away from MidValley, ONE lrt stop away from Petaling Street (yummy food =) and few stops away from KLCC. Even so, Brickfields itself has great food!

No, Brickfields is NOT a dangerous place.
What horror stories have you heard? =.=' BLIND people can walk around brickfields at ALL times of the day and they're safe. What makes you think we people with perfectly good eyesight are in danger? We're the ones bringing the danger instead! A klutz and a person who is oblivious to her surroundings like me can survive taking public transport to college everyday, why not you?

Yes, we do have international students.
Despite our tiny size, we do have quite a lot of international students especially in the July intake. They are kick ass young geniuses!

No, Methodist COLLEGE is NOT a school!
Methodist College is a COLLEGE. We do NOT wear school uniforms. It only offers A Levels, AUSMAT and Early Childhood Education (for future kindergaten teachers, it's not a kindergarten).

Yes, there's hardly any adverts.
It means the tuition fees you're paying isnt to pay for advertising.

Yes, there's plenty of gangster looking indians there (back in 2006-07)
So what?! These people are the REALLY SMART and very well mannered indians who are all future doctors and lawyers. They're VERY impressive people who end up inspiring the rest to "buck up" so we don't look too stupid compared to them.

The lecturers:

If I had to describe my lecturers in one word, I'd say "FANTASTIC!" and mean it in every fantastic way possible.

I took 3 subjects, Accounting, Economics and Law.

Accounting:
Mr Ferns. I'm now in Uni and I still say Mr Ferns is the BEST accounting lecturer! I was once one of the biggest accounting haters, and despite my mental wall against accounting, he changed my opinion in just a 10 minute introduction on my first day. He made everything in accounting, so simple! Besides accounting, he is a really knowledgeable man who taught us many other things in his spare time.

Economics:
Mrs Chiu. She's strict yet lenient very often. She has very strong moral stands and harps them into us every chance possible. Her lectures are GOOD! Write down EVERYthing she says! They're IMPORTANT! I still keep my notes from her classes to this day. Also, she marked every single past year paper I did on my own and guided me through personally on how to improve my answers.

Law:
Mrs Dharma. Ooh.. she's a cute little lady, but she's fierce! And she loves scaring her students! But she's a really nice lady with a good sense of humour! Her lessons are very full and well prepared. She doesnt take the short cut and just teach you to pass exams.

Sciences:
OK, I'm an Arts student and didnt take any Science subjects. But I have good feedback from my science stream friends. They say Miss Lim, the Math teacher is THE BEST!!!

In MCKL (when I was there):

• Everyone knew everyone.
• Birthdays were celebrated by everyone.
• Teachers are our friends. They eat and play sports with us.
• We have a clean toilet. Phew!
• Parking is free =)
• We have our own building, a basketball court and a field.
• Classes are air conditioned.

MCKL to me:

MCKL didnt just teach me how to pass exams. It gave me an EDUCATION, in academics and morals. Encountering MCKL teachers was when I first understood what it is to "respect teachers". They deserve it.

It is a fantastic bridge from school to university. In that period of my life, I went through many changes academicly and at home. I was a fish out of water. Good friends and good lecturers made sure that I stayed on track and made my days brighter.

I learned to encourage others around me and build them up the way my peers did to me. I did many things I never thought I'd do. I became what I never thought I could be.

Note:

Sorry, I haven't been updating. I have a lot of things to blog about, but I do not have the time. Busy living a life and nerding it out. Exams are in January.

For random updates on "how I am" and "what I've been up to", check my facebook account. It tells quite a bit about my life (too much, in my opinion).

To my friends, I should've told y'all bout this earlier, I got accepted in my Uni's student exchange program to the UK campus. So, I will be going to be in the University of Nottingham itself, which is in Nottingham.

To make myself clear again and to put it in point form so you get it,

Occasion: Student exchange program (no, it's not twinning or transfer). I WILL BE BACK for 3rd year in MALAYSIA.
Location: University of Nottingham, in Nottingham, England. (Yes, Nottingham is a place in England, and is NOT fictional)
Duration: 1 semester (2nd Semester of my 2nd year of study), estimated 6 months.
Leaving: Flying on the 24th of January 2009

Yes, I know I'm very lucky. I feel very lucky about this too. I'm very grateful to God. Don't make me feel bad for leaving.

No, I have not packed. It is ONE MONTH away.

No, I'm sorry, I do not do souveniers. I do not give on request.

No, I'm not a courier service.

No, my parents will not miss me because I'm going overseas, neither are they "taking it very hard".

Yes, I know Air Asia is very cheap. Do come visit me instead of asking me to fly back during Easter holidays and such.

I do not mean to be rude or make you think I think you're stupid by writing in detail. I'm just trying to make it clear so you do not misunderstand. You'd be surprised the amount of times people ask me questions where the answer is very obvious.

Friends, I'd love to meet you all before I leave. The last day of my exams is on the 17th of January.

God help the outcast

Are you an outcast?



Have you felt like,

You aren't liked.
You're shunned.
You're left out.
You're forgotten.
You're last to be chosen.
You're looked upon with disapproval and distaste.



Nobody loves you.



What do you do?

Do you dwell in self pity?



Very often in the midst of the self-magnified misery we're dwelling in, we forget about the many blessings upon us.

Do you have food?
Do you have clothing?
Do you have shelter?

On top of these three essentials, I'm sure you're blessed with a lot more things.
If you're reading this, you have an education, and you have a computer and internet!

There are many others less fortunate than us.
What do we do about it?

The song God Help the Outcast from the Hunchback of Notredame pulls some of my heartstrings.



Esmeralda:
I don't know if You can hear me, or if You're even there
I don't know if You would listen to a gypsy's prayer
Yes, I know I'm just an outcast, I shouldn't speak to you
Still I see Your face and wonder... Were You once an outcast too?

God help the outcasts, Hungry from birth
Show them the mercy they don't find on earth
God help my people we look to You still
God help the outcasts or nobody will

Parishioners:
I ask for wealth
I ask for fame
I ask for glory to shine on my name
I ask for love I can posess
I ask for God and His angels to bless me

Esmeralda:
I ask for nothing, I can get by
But I know so many less lucky than I
Please help my people, the poor and downtrod
I thought we all were, the children of God
God help the outcasts, Children of God

I don't know if there's a reason;
why some are blessed, some not.
Why the few you seem to favor --
they fear us, flee us, try not to see us.

God help the outcasts, the tattered, the torn.
Seeking an answer to why they were born.
Winds of misfortune have blown them about.
You made the outcasts, don't cast them out.

The poor and unlucky, the weak and the odd.
I thought we all were the children of God.

~~~~~~
While we are busy dwelling in self pity on how others make us feel like outcasts,
Do we realise how we make others feel like outcasts?
Often, we unconciously reject others.
As in the song, we who are blessed, we fear the outcast, we flee them, and we try not to see them.

We're always caught up in our selfish desires. Wealth, fame, self-glory, selfish love, and blessing upon ourselves.

Every one of us have been an outcast one way or other. We remember BEING an outcast.. the unpleasant experiences and feelings.. and yet, we either do nothing about it, or contribute to the misery of the outcast.

Let us use our "experience" in being an outcast to reach out to them.

Senile rabbit

When I put that pic of me on my msn display pic, I knew it was a funny looking pic of me. It was a screenshot taken by my friend when we were on video conversation.

I got various reactions from friends. Some say it was "funny", just like I thought. Some say it was "lala"... understandable. Some say "cute"... erm, I think that goes with "lala".

But the "best" one was from my brother, four years older than me.


(click on pic for clearer image)

"Senile rabbit" O.o

Penguin race

With my recent obsession (again) of penguins, a long forgotten memory just popped up in my mind.

That penguin slide toy thing! Which I had when I was 3 years old or something.



With no idea what it was called (come on, I was three!), I google imaged "penguin slide toy for 3 year olds" and Wooh! There it was.. the "Penguin Race"



I loved that toy! I have no idea who created it, and why?! How could he/she come up with such an idea? All you do with that toy is just watch penguins go round and round the slide, go back up the steps, and down the slide again.

You can see how it works here


Absolutely fascinating. I could watch it over and over again!

In my "Penguin race" search, I came across this image which I think really resembles the toy itself =p



Then there's this hip hop penguin I came across. Wooh! It jumps like it's high! And towards the end of the video, it's a really funny bit of an EXTREMELY lazy polar bear!



And even a Coca-Cola ad involving penguins and polar bears. Cute~!



*sighs* Penguins are adorable.

To end this entry, here's my fav pics of a super gaya super cute penguin baby walking.. =P

After Awhile

by Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.



And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child



And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight



After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers



And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.

6 breasted woman

When I was in London,

I saw with my little eye... a 6 breasted woman!



Don't stare too much, guys =P

How do you hold a bird?

Hold it too tightly, it dies



Hold it too loosely, it flies away



Instead of keep holding on, some do something to keep it coming back for more...



...while hoping that they wont merely be used



How can you just get it to stay in your hand and adoringly love you?



Well, one thing's for sure... It's not sex.

New Frank Sinatra video

Come fly with me